Waters of Life

I hadn't expected it to feel like this. Many times I've floated out into the water at daybreak just like today. So why was today different?

Well, today is different because I'm leaving more behind. So many times in the past I've set sail out into this open water, looking forward with so much longing for the sea, looking forward to the many adventures that could await out over that water.

Today I look back. I feel the shore pulling at my heart more than before. I look within myself for the answers.

For so long I've loved the sea. I've gone out with no other desire in my heart, no other place I would rather be. I look toward the watery horizon and the rising sun. The air is crisp and touches my face, as it has so many times before. It is beautiful. Yet it has changed somehow and I am drawn back.

The birth of my daughter changed many things. It made me a father. It made my wife a mother. But that is just what happened on the surface. That is just what other people can see.

My friend comes up behind me and rests his hand on my shoulder with a smile. "Excited to get back out on the water again?" He said. I could hear the old excitement in his voice. The one we used to share.

I gave him a small smile, but I knew that after this last time on the water together, I was ready to do what my wife had suggested: stay ashore and watch my daughter grow up.

Innocent Dreamer

Soft sounds of silence
Moving air before the face
Chest rising softly, slowly
Eyes twitch gently
Watching intently the magic of dreams
Lips puckered slightly
Soft, damp, and still
An innocence held in moments
An angel sleeping in the clouds
A baby, precious and perfect
Steal a moment to hold forever

to pair with this photo

Precious

Mother's Love

A mother's love
Will keep her child
Safe from harms around
She protects the small piece
Of herself
In warm embrace, no sound

The peace of moments
Held so still
Forever kept within
Her heart speaks words
So wise and pure
For every life's begin

Through flames of sorrow
She holds true
The baby in her arms
For all her life
She dreamt of this
Sweet child full of charms

A mother's love
Surpasses all
Even her own life
For within the child
He holds dear
Her love, as he'll face strife

A Quiet Escape

A lazy evening of screaming children
I must get out and away
My husband sits in front of the television
I guess this is his time of the day

I exit the back door quietly
I creep away barefoot and free
He probably won't even notice I'm gone
Until the kids whine and "where's me?"

I carefully place my feet before me
In the grass, through the field and glen
The quiet around me breath into my lungs
And I feel like a child back then

My thoughts are alighted, I grow close to the water,
The reflection is dark in the dusk
I want to sit longer, but know I must not linger,
My baby is hungry I trust

But I sit awhile on the bank of the river,
Seeping in the light through my skin
I wish I could lay here for hours on hours,
But I must care for my kin

So up I go and backtrack again
Carefully placing my feet
But one day I'll return here, my soul to replenish
The sounds of the forests' heartbeat

My Ideal Relaxing Afternoon

The house, once chaos, now quiet
The sink, once filled, now empty
The floors, once covered, now tidy
The hair, once snarled, now combed
The little eyes, once curious, now closed.
The little fingers, once prying, now relaxed.
The little feet, once running, now still.
Nap time.
My ideal relaxing afternoon.

He Brings Me Joy

His smile is bright and he shows it to everyone. His eyes twinkle with excitement whenever he tells a joke. His hands are big and warm when he holds yours. His scent is crisp and happy. He is my dad.

The Inner Thoughts of a Teenager

Today is a beautiful day. The sun shines and beats down on me. I could drink it all in except why should I? I would rather sulk. Then my mom will be sorry. Maybe if I never speak to her again she will know how important it was for me to go with Kristy to the zoo today. Sigh. Ben was going to be there! And instead I get to sit here at the stupid playground.

"Jem! Move!"

I look up to see my snot-faced little brother at the top of the slide glaring. Yes. This is what I get to see all day instead. Why would I want to go to the zoo with Kristy and see Ben's gorgeous blue eyes when I can look at this snotty freckled nose, wrinkled at me all day? My mom never understands ANYTHING.

With a groan I stand and he slides down with a squeal. So! gross! Now I have to get a tissue and wipe off that slime. What was mom doing that is SO IMPORTANT that she leave me here?

"Jem!!! JE-EM!" He whines.

I turn and see him stringing a long line of the goop from his face all over the bottom of the slide.

"Eew! CARTER! Stop that!" I go for him with the tissue and he only runs away. "Yuck! Now look what you did!" I cry after him, wiping the bottom of the slide off a bit with the tissue. "Come back over here so you don't do that again." Where is mom?!

"Jemma, Je-em, Jemma, Je-em!" He taunts me. I just give him a nice glare and sit on the slide again. Who cares if he gets that slime everywhere. Then maybe it will just be a bigger mess for Mom to clean up when she gets back. Maybe instead of just not talking to her I'll just never look at her again. She'll never see my beautiful brown eyes look at her again! That should punish her! She'll miss the twinkle and one day she'll beg me to just look at her. And I won't. Because today she RUINED MY LIFE!

"Jemma! Can you come here and help me get everything in the car? It's time to go."

Ok, here it goes. I'll do both at first. I won't look at her OR talk to her. If I HAVE to answer then I just won't look at her. I walk toward her voice, eyes on the ground. She'll be sorry now.

"Jem, Carter has dirt all over his face? How did this happen?"

Like it's my fault. I just keep walking to the van, grabbing the diaper bag on the way.

"Jem, I'm going to need a little cooperation. Carter needs you and..."

"I know, Mom!" Ooops. Dang! Well, I'll just not look at her now.

I get in the van and wait.

"Hey Jem."

What? Is that Kristy? Sure enough, I turn around and there she sat in the van. Grinning her toothy grin and waving. "Hi! What are you doing here?"

"Your mom is SOOOO cool! She picked me up and we're all going to go get pizza!" Kristy sighed, "The zoo is closed today so all our plans were ruined and I saw your mom driving by! And..." Just then Mom opened the side door to put Carter in his seat. The whole van was full of his crazy whining noises now and there was no way we could hear each other anymore.

"Oh, Carter! We just need to get going!" I looked at my mom now and could see her mouth frowning in concern. Her eyes were tight. Her hair was now falling out of the braid she'd so nicely done that morning. She struggled with much more talent than I could ever have to get that kid into his seat. She looked up at me at that moment and caught my eye. I smiled a little at her as I heard the seatbelt in Carter's seat click. Then, remembering, I quickly turned around.

Awe crap! Oh, whatever. I guess today she got away with it. But I'm sure she'll ruin my life tomorrow!

The Day I Ran

I remember that day. I wore my pink and yellow party dress. I remember how the ruffles felt against my legs as they swung with my movement. How it looked so much like a pretty flower when I twirled. How it waved in the wind as I ran.

My hair was crimped and braided and my face was painted like a doll. Mother had spent so long doing my hair and make-up that day. How I would complain and wiggle and be scolded. How long it seemed to take. How I hated it. It was all in preparation for that show. I didn't want to be in the show. I didn't care about the show. She always made me be in the show. Every year I was in the show.

But that day it was different. I remember that day.

I was on the stage, dancing with the others the way I always had. When I saw him. He was hiding behind others in the crowd. He ducked when he noticed that I had seen him, but it was too late. I leapt from the stage to my mother's horror. She was so shocked. I can still see her face. The wrinkles seemed deeper somehow as she shook her finger and scolded once more. But I didn't care.

I ran to him. That few hundred feet seemed so short in comparison to the long stretch of time since I had last saw my grandfather. He smiled through his tears and it felt wonderful to finally be in his arms again.

I remember that day. The day I knew for certain it had never been my fault that he'd gone. The day I knew for certain that I was loved. The day I knew for certain that I would never let my mother stand between us again.

PP&P

A Moment to Myself

I smile
Silence!
Stealing a moment
Rescues my day.
Hearing the silence
Is like a breath of fresh air.

Tap Tap Tap
"Eh?"
Bam! Bam!

Ok...time to open the door of the bathroom and face it all again with renewed ears.
CHARGE!

My Child (Haiku)

The hopes and dreams I
Have for you, become my quest
To teach what I know

Little Boy Growing

Oh if I could keep you now
Forever innocent and small
Oh if I could keep those toes
So tiny, chubby, and sweet

If I could only hold you close
Throughout your whole life long
If I could keep you safe from harm
And keep the world so far

If you could stay a little child
Pure in thought, pure in action
That dimpled smile pasted on
Never to see such tears

But no, the child must grow so tall
And learn to become someone
And I must hold that precious hand
And lead them until they let go

I hope you remember how it was
To be that little child
And see the world a little brighter
So the future can be so