Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Two Pieces of Me

He was like a little ball, all swaddled up tightly into a little blanket and with that little pink and blue hat. He was peeping out at me now and then. He looked as though he wasn't sure what he'd gotten into by coming into this world. Once in a while he would whimper again and let out a little squeak. What a protest. I loved him. But not like they always would say. I wasn't overwhelmed by love at the first moment as they say. The mother's love was supposed to hit me harder and I wondered. But I just had to get to know this little person and the love grows more and more each day. My heart now "walks outside my body" the way they say it should.

Then my other boy came. He was nothing like the first. Eyes wide even minutes after birth. He had come into this world wanting to experience everything! I could see it in his eyes. They still have a hard time closing, even to sleep.

At first I didn't know how to handle the love I felt for both. I felt like my heart was physically being torn in half as one part of it slept in his crib and the other in his cradle next to me. The two pieces of myself feeling so separate. It was a new sensation.

The time healed me. Now the love for both grows. If only I could keep them. Keep them here this way forever. Keep them from the terrors of the world, from the harsh criticisms, the tragic circumstances, and the way people can be so unfair.

But I can't.

So for now I enjoy each moment of innocence. I treasure them while it lasts. And when it's time for me to let go. I must simply...let go.

1 comment:

  1. Your mother's heart can be felt throughout this moving passage. The love, the ache, the dreams of a mother's world.



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