I felt like my heart was broken. I felt like I had perhaps made the wrong decision. I sat on our dirty couch, looking at my husband of three months and sighing. He seemed so unhappy. What had I done? All he would do was watch football and sleep. Had I done the right thing? I knew marriage was hard, but I thought there was supposed to be a honeymoon stage when everything was rose-colored and happy. This was not the picture I had painted in my head throughout our engagement. What happened? I didn't know who to turn to. I didn't want anyone outside of my marriage to think it was going to end. Because I didn't believe in divorce. I didn't want it to end. There had to be another way.
I grabbed my purse and keys. He didn't seem to care I was leaving. I felt like I couldn't breath. I needed air. I whispered to him that I would be back and he barely nodded his head without looking up.
The drive was short, but my thoughts were spinning. What was I going to do? What would the future with him be? I let the questions form tears as I sobbed and cried out to the only one I felt I could.
Then I saw it. The white walls called to me. The steeple beckoned to me. The sight of it reminded me of the day I took my vows. The day I bound myself to him. The man I loved, who I knew loved me. The man that was having difficulty adjusting...and I remembered how I had felt. I had knelt at the alter and looked into his face. I had known it was right. The glow in my chest was unmistakable.
I stopped my car and got out. I stood looking across the field at the church and knew I had to kneel. So that's what I did. I poured everything out. I was overcome until my tears ceased. The choking pain in my lungs weakened and lifted from me. I knew I was where He wanted me. If it was to be hard for a while, it would be hard. But I was in this marriage for a purpose and I loved my husband.
I drove home slowly. Wondering what I should do when I come back through the door. Nothing came to mind. I didn't know what I would do.
The time came sooner than I thought. Suddenly, I was walking to the door and I had no plan in mind. Opening the door, I could still hear the television. He hadn't moved.
I walked in, brushed my hand on his cheek, rested it on his shoulder, and bent to put my lips to his ear. "I love you." I whispered. Then the tears came again.
This time they were shared. They wouldn't be the only tears we shed together, but this moment was one we both would remember forever.